It’s 5:15 a.m. on a recent Wednesday morning. An abrupt iPhone ringtone awakens Grant senior Kyleshia Ford. It’s her mother calling from a different room, asking for a 6 a.m. ride to work.
This is a new routine for the two. In February 2014, the mother and daughter were finally able to purchase a family car to replace one that was stolen from them a year and a half ago.
After Ford drops her mother off, she heads back home to their townhouse in Southeast Portland. Sometimes, she’s able to catch a few more hours of sleep before school, but most days she stays awake.
Life is slightly less stressful these days for Ford since her adopted younger brother was moved out of the house and into a home for children with severe behavioral disorders. When he was around, Ford was more parent than child and constantly felt like she was walking on eggshells in her own home because of her brother’s fragile temper.
“You can always make a way with what you have.” – Kyleshia Ford
But Ford never lets her family stresses affect her ability to thrive. From saving a friend from living on the streets to saving her younger brother’s life, she serves as a support pillar for family, friends and whoever else needs a steady presence in their lives.
Ford was born June 12, 1996. Her parents divorced when she was two, and she has little memory of her family prior to the break up. Though she has maintained a relationship with both of her parents, Ford primarily lives with her mother – something that hasn’t always been easy.
She can’t remember a time in her younger childhood when her mom, Kimberly McSweeney, worked just one job. At one point, McSweeney worked three of them. On those days, she’d start at 8 a.m. and wouldn’t get home until after 2 a.m. the next day.
But Ford also can’t recall a time her mother ever missed a basketball game or a school performance. “She always made it her mission to not let work and other things interfere with our family activities,” Ford says. “She wanted to make it so that we had everything.”
During that time, Ford says her mother “showed me that you can’t let something stop you from doing what you want. She’s gone through a lot and she’s never let that stop her. You can always make a way with what you have.”
Despite having a hard time providing for her family already, McSweeney leapt straight to action in April 2004 when she made a decision that would change things dramatically. She flew to California with her mother for the funeral of an aunt. While they were there, another relative passed away. Immediately, McSweeney started the process to adopt his 15-month-old orphaned son.
“He made me promise that I would adopt his child,” McSweeney says. She had to keep the boy in the family, he told her in the months before his death.
Once the adoption process was finalized in 2005, two California caseworkers handed the boy over to McSweeney along with an envelope of medical and case files that was an inch thick. She was on her way back to Portland an hour later.
“It was on the plane home that I opened the folder and learned about all of the drugs and alcohol,” McSweeney says. She had never known the boy’s biological mother – or that he was born testing positive for several drugs and that he was affected by alcohol before birth.
For the next few years, Ford had to adjust. When she was 12, she was the woman of the house. All responsibility to take care of her brother fell onto her shoulders until her mother returned late in the evening.
This is the case for many children with single mothers, but Ford’s younger brother – who is biologically her third cousin – was born addicted to multiple drugs and was diagnosed with reactive attachment disorder last year.
“It got to a point where my mother and I didn’t feel safe in our own home.” – Kyleshia Ford
According to the Mayo Clinic, the world’s largest non-profit medical practice and research organization, reactive attachment disorder is a rare and lifelong condition. It develops after a child’s basic need for support and affection isn’t met during infancy. The neglect changes vital brain chemistry, making it difficult for the child to form healthy relationships.
Ford speculates that her brother began developing the disorder because he was taken from his mother when he was only days old and thrown into foster care without a solid support system. His condition leads him to be untrustworthy and at times he seems rebellious. Along with that, he has difficulty expressing anger and almost always resorts to violent outbursts.
“It got to a point where my mother and I didn’t feel safe in our own home,” Ford says.
She remembers a morning before school when she was 15. Her brother was eight years old, and he wasn’t happy with the clothes McSweeney had set out for him to wear that day. Despite Ford’s countless attempts to calm him, his anger only escalated and he yelled, “I wish I were dead!” and “I’m going to kill myself,” Ford remembers.
Until that day, the words had always been empty threats. But as Ford left her brother’s bedroom to call for help, he climbed up the stair banister, 15 feet from the floor. Ford turned around just in time to rush back and catch him as he shifted his weight to throw himself over the edge.
“I had never had to deal with anything like that. I didn’t know what to do. I just sat there and started bawling because I was so overwhelmed,” Ford says. “It’s one thing to hear someone say that and for them to actually do it.”
The tantrum continued for another hour, ending with McSweeney and the police being called to remove Ford’s brother from a bathroom where he’d locked himself in.
The constant fighting at home affected how Ford dealt with her own life. “Depending on how [my brother] wakes up that morning, that’s how I’m going to be the rest of the day,” she recalls. “If [he’s] mad, I’m mad.”
Her friends could see the difference. “I can tell it hurts her,” says Kayla Spears, a Grant senior and one of Ford’s closest friends. “If she wanted to help anyone, she wants to help him.”
“I understand there are many circumstances that go on through people’s life that they cannot control.” – Kyleshia Ford
Although there have been plenty of times when her frustrations from home have boiled over into her daily life, Ford seems to always keep it cool. “I don’t know how she does it. No matter what, she still comes to school like nothing happened. She never makes any excuses,” Spears says.
Grant support staffer Marty Williams thinks he knows the explanation for Ford’s drive. “She looks at school like it’s a business,” Williams says. “She’s a young lady who is not afraid to be herself, who speaks her mind. When she believes in something she really goes hard. She goes for it and she doesn’t hold back.”
To help with the tight budget at home, Ford began working at age 15. “I didn’t want to have to ask my mom for anything,” Ford says. “I didn’t want to make another burden for my mom, so as soon as I could work, I jumped at the opportunity.”
During the summer between her freshman and sophomore year, she got her first job. For two consecutive summers, Ford worked 40-hour weeks at a law firm as a receptionist. She performed so well at her job that she received a raise both years.
Sometimes, she’d use the money she earned to help her mother pay the bills. “Whatever she needs that month, it doesn’t matter to me. I’ll help her,” Ford says. “It’s nice to know that I can do that. It’s nice to know that if it wasn’t for me, my mom would have to do this, that, and the other just to get by – but we don’t have to live like that.”
Despite being dedicated to her job, Ford says she felt the sting of prejudice from some of her co-workers. “It was a hostile working environment,” she says, mostly because of her age. She was also one of the only African-American people at the firm.
“I found myself having to assimilate in that workforce. I had to change the way I talked, the way I acted, how I did my hair,” Ford says. “It was something I had to accept. Yeah, it’s not right. But I had to accept that it was what I had to do to get by.”
For the most part, Ford didn’t let it get to her. “It motivated me in my position, seeing as I was the only person of African-American descent and one of three teens there,” she says.
Once, she had an argument with one of her supervisors and she says it ended with him telling her to “shut up.” She tried to take the issue to a person in charge, but whenever she set up meetings to discuss the incident it kept getting blown off, she says. She resigned from the position. “I don’t deserve to be treated like that,” she says.
Currently, she is working at Burgerville, where the hours change from week to week. “The cut in pay is worth it,” she says. “Working at Burgerville is a lot less stressful.”
At school, Ford has a 3.0 GPA and is secretary for the Black Student Union. She helps organize almost all of BSU’s activities. Last fall, club members cooked a traditional Thanksgiving feast for almost a hundred homeless men.
“Growing up with [my brother], I understand there are many circumstances that go on through people’s life that they cannot control,” Ford says. “Some of the homeless people could have just lost their job when the market went south. It’s not always in their control. When I have extra I want to help.”
Ford organized the benefit dinner partly to respect a struggle her mother had gone through when she was young. At 15, McSweeney ran away from home to seek refuge from an abusive, alcoholic father. For the next two years of her life, she lived underneath overpasses and called downtown Portland sidewalks her home.
“I’ve always tried to instill the value of giving back to my kids,” McSweeney says. “I always think back to if I had someone there for me back then.”
Because of their schedules, it’s hard for Ford to spend time with her mother. So she cherishes the time the two do get to spend together. “Even if it’s a movie, we try to do something together because we’ll go days without seeing each other,” Ford says.
“No matter what you’re given, you can make a better situation out of it.” – Kyleshia Ford
She credits her mother’s work ethic and values as the things that push her at school and beyond. “Growing up with the mother I’ve had, I’ve learned to be confident and to do everything for myself,” she says.
Williams says it’s nothing new for Ford. “Kyleshia has always been a strong leader for her peers. I’ve seen that in her since freshman year,” he says.
He currently heads Grant’s Restorative Justice program. He nominated Ford, along with about 10 other Grant students, to be a part of the student intervention group. Their objective is to find positive solutions for students who get in trouble.
As Ford describes the group, Restorative Justice is the divider between a student violating school rules and the student getting suspended or expelled for their actions. The idea is to help each student make positive decisions in the future – outside of the discipline plans the district has. “We try to help kids resolve their issues before the administration just kicks them to the side. We don’t want them to fall through the cracks,” Ford says.
Ford also looks for other places to lend a hand. When an old friend, Meek High School senior Navee Weatherall, called last year after being kicked out of her house, Ford didn’t hesitate to help even though the two had a rocky relationship at the time.
“She was the only one I could think of who would help,” Weatherall says. “She’s the reason why I am making it through high school. I have a hard time in school, it’s hard for me to comprehend a lot of stuff and pay attention. Kyleshia knows how to break things down for me.”
Without being asked, Ford took it upon herself to tutor Weatherall – who was nearly failing all of her classes at the time. “She was the only one telling me I could do anything,” she says.
Today, Ford almost always comes to school in business casual attire. Her hair is always done up with purpose – not too fancy, but professional. She walks with her head up and shoulders straight, looking directly forward because she knows exactly where she wants to go. If she turns your way, she looks you straight in the eye. But you’ll notice there is an ease about her, as well. It’s subtle, but it’s there.
“I see her as a role model because of the way she carries herself,” Spears says.
Ford wants to go to college and major in secondary education, and she plans to minor in Spanish. “I want to study Spanish as well so that I can connect with my students that much more,” Ford says. “No matter what you’re given, you can make a better situation out of it. Nothing can stop me from doing what needs to be done.” ♦
