I’d rather see the good in everyone than the bad.

In middle school, I had a group of people I pretended to be friends with. Mostly, they let me tag along and then they’d make jokes at my expense. They weren’t really trying to hurt me, they just didn’t care that it was going to get on my nerves. I ignored it for a while and acted like it wasn’t happening. But when I needed it, I didn’t have anyone to talk to. I mean, I would try talking to people sometimes but they wouldn’t really be listening.

The last five New Year’s Eves, I’d spent alone. Every one of them I spent watching a movie by myself, thinking how awesome it would be if someone actually wanted me around. I actually cried the first two times.

Realizing that I didn’t have anyone to fall back on definitely didn’t foster good mental health. Not having friends and just not being happy all the time made me mad. When people were making fun of me behind my back, I started becoming bitter. I just don’t think I was a pleasant person to be around. Since then I have tried to be friendlier — not just tried to make friends. I’ve tried to be a nicer person.

I now believe that everyone is just as important as everyone else. I started feeling this way during the summer when I was in the Tetons. I was at this lake and it was just this very beautiful, very calm place. There was a perfect reflection of the mountains and I was walking away from it and suddenly it just hit me: I had been…not a good person the previous several years.

It hit me then because I hadn’t been with my friends for two weeks. I’d just been with my parents in a car in a confined space and I really started to miss my friends. I realized I needed to keep the friends that I had.

I understand how hard it can be when you’re going through things in your life and there’s no one there who has your back. But since high school rolled around, I’ve found it easier to make friends, and it’s a nice feeling. I’ve found people I can really open up to for the first time. I have tried to be friendlier — not just tried to make friends. This was the first New Year’s Eve that I actually felt wanted by people.

I wish that someone would have told me in middle school that there are actually people out there who care. I hope that if I can tell someone this, it will put them in a slightly better place. Then for me, everything will be worth it.