Last year, I hurriedly jumped into my dad’s car with some great news. I had just received my test grade in math. “I got a B!” I yelled, waving the paper. (A little background information: I suck at math. When I see any equation that’s more difficult than 9+1=10, I usually think to myself that I wouldn’t cut it as a store clerk).
My dad kept his eyes on the road as he drove, his lips tightening uneasily before saying: “Well, try to get an A next time, sweetie.”
His comment tainted my victory. You see, in my family anything below an A is a cause for worry. In fact, it’s tantamount to failure. Whenever I prepare for a test, I hear my mom’s voice echoing in the back of my mind: “College is a must now if you want to be successful.”
What is success at Grant nowadays? In a lot of cases, it’s measured by how much your parents can brag about you. My parents always say how much they enjoy boasting about how many AP classes I’m taking when they go to dinner parties. They say other parents wish their kids were like me: A 4.0 GPA student who can handle tough classes.
The only problem is that my parents, and others like them, don’t even get that they are putting us under a ton of stress. We can’t even be kids anymore. Instead, our academic success can make or break the family name. Why are our grades the only important thing? Success now has one meaning: nothing less than excelling at everything. But I don’t think success should be a one-size-fits-all deal. Paths to success come in all shapes and sizes, just like us.
All my friends have success stress. Which clubs will look best on a résumé? Will I get a perfect score on the PSAT? Which counselor will put the most AP classes on my schedule? More than once in my classes, I find myself sucked into this ridiculous tango with my friends where we discreetly brag about our academic “woes.” Naturally, so we don’t sound like conceited lunatics, we disguise it in the form of complaining.
“I spent 18 hours on homework this weekend!” one of us will say.
“I know, I’m so tired. I was up until two in the morning doing homework,” will be the likely response.
Then when major tests come up, we end up with a bunch of over-achieving teenagers strung out on Starbucks, trying to get ahead of the next person. All so we can go on to the college of our (parents’) choice and please everyone else.
And don’t think this is just happening to high schoolers. Last summer, I babysat for a woman who had strict enrichment requirements for her 19-month-old daughter. I was encouraged to speak Spanish to her three days a week. The mom also wanted me to teach her sign language. She makes all those “Tiger” moms look tame. I read an article about parents who make their kids do third-grade math at the age of four. Even little toddlers are taking part in this education combat training. When I was four, the most mentally-stimulating activity I participated in was finger-painting.
I’m tired of it. I want to go to the days my parents knew. When do I get to be rebellious and sneak out at night with my friends like in all those ‘80s teen movies? What rewards do we really reap by spending our summers hitting the books instead of the beaches? At what cost does this rocky path to success come with and will all the work make us happy in the end
I don’t want to major in history or pursue anything in that subject. But with all the work and time I put into AP History, you’d think I was preparing for a master’s degree.
Why can’t I just study what I know I want to do with my life? Steve Jobs never finished college. Neither did Mark Zuckerberg. It’s not just the techies who got out. Augusten Burroughs, the author of “Running with Scissors” barely finished high school. They were all smart kids and they knew what they wanted to do. Sometimes, I secretly wish I had the will to be a dropout and write an award-winning novel instead. If I ever did, I’d laugh at my parents if it were to be adapted into a movie.
Look, I probably will go to college and I look forward to it. But college doesn’t guarantee success, despite what we hear. My cousin got a degree in 3½ years and made the Dean’s List at Oregon State University. But she hates her “stable” job and still lives with her parents. She doesn’t know what she wants to do when she grows up and she’s almost 25.
I don’t want to end up like that. My feeling is that it’s our responsibility to find the path that works for us as individuals. School is important, whether sports, math, English or art is your thing. That will help nurture your talent. Overworking yourself just because of pressure from parents or peers won’t. Find what you love and pursue it. But do it for you. ♦
